A Clean Slate
by Shirl
Summary: COMPLETED-Susan and Carter help grant a dying woman's last wish on New Year's Eve.
1. Part 1

TITLE: A Clean Slate  
AUTHOR: Shirley  
RATING: PG13  
KEYWORDS: Susan Lewis, John Carter, Drama/Romance  
SPOILERS: None  
TIMELINE: Set in Season 8 on New Year's Eve.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters from ER. They are  
the property of Warner Brothers, Constant C Productions, etc.  
ARCHIVE: You are welcome to download this story for your own reading,  
but please do not archive it on any website without my permission.  
SUMMARY: Susan and Carter help grant a dying woman's last wish during  
New Year's Eve.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I envisioned this story as the New Year's episode  
of Season 8. Of course, it focuses on Susan and Carter, with a minor  
appearance by Kerry Weaver. I have no idea what the other characters  
are doing during this episode ;-)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Dr. Lewis!"  
  
Distracted by the calling of her name, Susan Lewis paused in  
mid-sentence to look at the source. Frowning, she deliberately  
turned her back and continued to speak into the phone. "Uh, so  
if you could please call me as soon as you can. Thank you."  
  
"Dr. Lewis!"  
  
Placing the phone down, she spun around, not bothering to disguise  
the exasperation in her voice. "What?" she barked.  
  
The man gave her a hopeful smile. "I've been waiting almost  
fifteen minutes."  
  
"Just go back to your room, Mr. Snyder. I'll be there in a minute."  
  
"But you said that fif--"  
  
Cutting him off, she jabbed her index finger towards the hallway.  
"Go to your room!" she ordered. She didn't feel a smidgen of  
remorse as the older man's face fell in dejection. As he turned  
around, she was treated to the sight of his bare bottom, peeking  
behind the open hospital gown. Shaking her head, she glanced up  
to find John Carter smirking at her from across the admit desk.  
  
"You don't look old enough to be his mother," he commented, looking  
as if he was barely containing a laugh.  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "Please! Don't give him any ideas,  
or he might want me to spank him," she said dryly. "He's a little  
too anxious for his rectal."  
  
John gave her a quizzical look. "As in, he actually wants one?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. He's a strange one, all right."  
  
"Want me to take it?" he offered.  
  
She smiled at the hint of concern he displayed. "He's almost  
seventy years old, Carter. I can handle it. Besides, I just might  
forget to lubricate if he gets too rowdy."  
  
He chuckled and leaned forward across the counter, lowering his  
voice. "You have any plans for tonight? We haven't talked about  
new year's eve."  
  
She also found herself speaking in a low tone, though she didn't  
know why. There was no reason to keep their relationship a secret  
and yet, she hadn't told anyone in the ER about it either. "No plans.  
But I'm not off until nine."  
  
"That's okay. I'm off at six, but I can hang around."  
  
"I'm sure you have better things to do," she murmured.  
  
He paused for a beat, blinking at her. "I would rather wait for you."  
  
His simple reply pleased her. With a sense of horror, she felt the  
heat rising in her cheeks. Damnit, only Carter could make her blush  
like a teenager. What was wrong with her? "So what are we doing?"  
she asked.  
  
"I don't know. What do you feel like doing?"  
  
A corner of her lip tugged upwards. Now they even sounded like a  
pair of teens. "I don't know either. Not a noisy bar."  
  
Shrugging his shoulders, he straightened up. "Well, I guess we'll  
think of something."  
  
"I better examine Mr. Snyder before he comes looking for me again."  
  
"Be gentle, Susan."  
  
She smiled serenely. "We'll see."  
  
***************  
  
The day was steadily busy but not too overwhelming. Susan made  
frequent checks on a young woman who was in Stage four ovarian  
cancer. She had been in massive pain and respiratory distress.  
They were doing all they could to ease her breathing and manage  
her pain, but her chart was DNR. Frankly, Susan wasn't sure how  
much longer the woman would hold out.  
  
Entering the room, she walked as quietly as possible, not wanting  
to disturb the patient's sleep. Looking over the monitors, she  
picked up the chart.  
  
"Is he coming?"  
  
With a start, she gazed down at Maria Hull. "I thought you were  
asleep."  
  
"No, just resting. Is he coming? Did you talk to him?"  
  
"No, I just got the answering machine so I left a message."  
Her eyebrows knitted together as she noticed Maria's shallow breaths.  
She was struggling just to speak.  
  
"You didn't say it was me, did you?"  
  
"No, I didn't mention you," Susan reassured her. "I just asked that  
he call me at the hospital. I didn't give any explanation."  
  
"Could you...could you..."  
  
The wheezing was getting worse but Susan understood what she wanted.  
"I'll call him again." She started to leave and then hesitated.  
Obviously, the decision had already been made, but she had to ask  
the question. "Will you reconsider the DNR? You still have a  
chance to fight this."  
  
Maria shook her head emphatically.  
  
"All right." Once again, she turned away, but this time she was  
stopped by a weak voice.  
  
"Wait." Maria gestured towards her purse on a nearby chair.  
Susan retrieved it and handed it to her. With shaky fingers,  
Maria pulled out the same telephone pocket-book she had given  
to Susan earlier. This time, she pointed out a different name.  
  
"Nancy. You want me to call her?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Who is she?"  
  
"A neighbour. My babysitter."  
  
It took a moment for the implication to sink in and when it did,  
Susan stared down at her. "Babysitter!" she exclaimed. "Do you  
have a baby?"  
  
"Yeah." Maria managed a smile.  
  
"How old?"  
  
"A year and four months. Her name's Rebecca, but I call her Becky."  
  
From this startling news and the history she had taken earlier,  
the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. "Is this why you  
didn't have treatment for your cancer? You didn't want to have  
chemotherapy during your pregnancy," Susan guessed. At the woman's  
nod, she continued. "But what about afterwards? You could have had  
surgery and then chemo."  
  
"No. I had to look after Becky. Not...not..." She was gasping for  
breath again.  
  
Susan quickly switched back to doctor-mode. "At least let me give  
you some oxygen. It's just a mask that will help you breathe."  
Relieved that Maria at least consented to that, she adjusted the  
mask over her face. "So what do you want me to do? Ask Nancy to  
bring your daughter here?"  
  
Maria nodded, her large eyes fixated on Susan above the mask. She  
pressed the telephone book into her hand.  
  
Susan left the room, her thoughts troubled. Something wasn't right.  
Maria claimed that she had no family members to contact; no parents,  
no siblings, no one. The only person she wanted to see was a man  
named Danny Gabbana. But for some reason, she was convinced that  
Danny wouldn't come to the hospital if he knew she was asking for  
him. Susan didn't like working under false pretenses, but she  
sensed the desperation in her patient. She would try again. And  
now, there was this new twist of a baby girl. What else was Maria  
holding back?  
  
At the admit desk, she tried Danny's number again. A woman answered  
and Susan asked for Danny. After a brief moment, she was speaking to  
the man himself. "Mr. Gabbana, this is Dr. Susan Lewis. I left a  
message on your machine...Oh, I see. Well, this is highly unusual,  
but I wonder if you could come down to the ER in County General to  
talk with me...I would really rather not say over the phone...Again,  
it would be best if I could talk to you in person...Yes, I know it  
is and I'm sorry...That's right, the Emergency Room in County  
General...Dr. Lewis...All right, thank you. Goodbye."  
  
She hung up. One down and one to go.  
  
"Half an hour to go," stated a low voice at her side.  
  
She looked up at John, her expression blank. "Huh?"  
  
"You've got a half hour until you're off," he elaborated. He tilted  
his head to one side. "Something wrong?"  
  
"No, it's nothing," she said quickly. "Just, uh, hang on a minute.  
I've got to make a phone call."  
  
Nancy picked up the phone on the third ring. Susan explained Maria's  
situation to her and asked that she bring the baby to the hospital.  
She was unprepared for Nancy's vehement outburst in which she stated  
in no uncertain terms was she going near any hospital. With the  
dial tone resounding loudly in her ear, Susan stared at the receiver  
in her hand. "She hung up!"  
  
"Who was that?"  
  
"I don't believe this," she fumed. She caught John's questioning  
glance. "You know about my cancer patient."  
  
"Maria," he filled in.  
  
"Right. She's in Stage four and has never had treatment. The cancer  
has pretty much metastasized everywhere, including her lungs and I  
don't think she'll last the night. That's her babysitter I just  
called. Maria has a sixteen month old baby and the sitter won't  
bring her in. In Nancy's words, she 'ain't going near any hospital.  
That's where people go to die'."  
  
"From what you're saying, she may be right."  
  
"Carter!"  
  
"Sorry, I'm not helping. Um, what if I bring the baby in?"  
  
"No, no, there's got to be another way." She immediately dismissed  
that idea, her mind racing with other possibilities. Only then  
did she belatedly recognize the thoughtful kindness behind his  
offer. "Thanks for offering, though. That's sweet of you."  
She exhaled a sigh of frustration. "Maybe I'll talk to Maria again."  
  
"Okay if I tag along?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Back in the room, her patient seemed to be breathing easier. Susan  
removed the oxygen mask and introduced John. She then relayed her  
findings. "The good news is that Danny is on his way. The bad  
news is your babysitter. She refuses to bring Becky to the hospital.  
Is there anyone else that can bring her? Any other neighbours, maybe?"  
  
"She's the only one I trust. Maybe if I talk to her..." Maria trailed  
off. Susan brought the phone closer to the bedside and dialled the  
number for her. But the mother of the child had no better luck.  
No amount of pleading or cursing seemed to have an effect on Nancy  
and the conversation was very brief. With tears in her eyes, Maria  
handed back the phone with a trembling hand. "What am I going to do?  
I'm dying. I know I am. I have to hold Becky one more time."  
Her laboured breaths were hitching on sobs, though she was trying to  
keep them contained.  
  
"I'll go," John stated.  
  
Susan shot him a look. "I don't know..."  
  
"Why not? I'm off duty so it's on my own time. I don't mind."  
  
"You would do that?" Maria asked, looking both incredulous and  
grateful at the same time.  
  
"Yeah, I just need some directions."  
  
As John got the details from Maria, Susan stepped back and gnawed  
at her lower lip. This was pretty unorthodox but she supposed  
he'd be doing nothing wrong. Besides, she was bending the rules  
herself in how she had approached Danny Gabbana. She really had  
no idea what his relationship was with Maria, but if she could  
grant this dying woman her one wish, she would do it.  
  
Susan accompanied John out into the hallway. "You're sure about this?"  
she asked.  
  
"Yeah, it's no big deal."  
  
"Yes it is." Acting on impulse, without caring if anyone was  
watching, she pressed her lips against his. She made sure to pull  
back fairly quickly, keeping the moment light. Although this  
wasn't the first time they had kissed, she still felt a tingle  
in her toes. "You're a good man, Carter," she said softly.  
  
With a silly grin, he ducked his head. It was nice to know she  
could make him blush too.  
  
***************  
  
As John approached the next street, he slowed down, squinting  
at the street sign. The night seemed very black, even with the  
glow of the tall lamps that dotted the edges of the road. The  
light on this particular corner was burnt out, so he couldn't  
read the sign until he was practically beneath it. This was the one.  
  
Rounding the corner, he tried to quell the uneasy feeling in the  
pit of his stomach. This wasn't exactly the upscale section of  
Chicago and definitely not the safest. He'd had his share of  
experiences in the inner city and didn't care to repeat them.  
Hopefully Nancy lived alone and not with a jealous boyfriend.  
  
Scanning the row of townhouses, he found the number he was looking  
for. After parking the car, he made a final check on the baby  
carseat to make sure it was strapped in correctly. He'd borrowed  
it from the children's ward. Walking up the rough, cracked pathway  
to the house, his gaze darted around the surrounding darkness.  
Other than a barking dog and a couple of kids that seemed too young  
to be playing outside at this time of night, all was quiet.  
He knocked on the door and waited.  
  
Just as he was about to knock again, a tentative voice called  
out, "Yeah?"  
  
"Nancy? It's Dr. John Carter. I work at County General in the  
ER. Maria asked that I bring her daughter Becky to the hospital."  
  
"Show me some ID," she demanded.  
  
He hadn't thought to bring his hospital ID with him. Digging  
into his back pocket, he produced his driver's licence and  
held it up in front of the peephole. After another few seconds,  
the door swung open and he stepped inside.  
  
He faced a young woman with stringy, unkempt hair and pale blue  
eyes that seemed too large for her thin face. She shut and  
bolted the door behind him. "What's your name again?"  
  
"John Carter."  
  
"Yeah, she told me you were coming. Some woman doctor."  
  
"Dr. Lewis?"  
  
"That's the one." She crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
"So Maria is really sick?"  
  
"Afraid so." He sensed that she was genuinely concerned.  
  
"I knew something was wrong today. She usually tells me ahead  
of time when she wants me to take Becky but today she kind of  
shoved her on me. Good thing I didn't have plans to go out tonight."  
  
Although he continued to remain alert, his apprehension about  
the situation was diminishing. However, he didn't want to overstay  
his welcome. "So where's the baby?"  
  
"I'll get her." As Nancy disappeared, John went to the window  
and peered outside. Good, at least his car was intact. She soon  
returned with the bundle wrapped in an old, but clean blanket.  
Becky was fast asleep, with one thumb and an index finger firmly  
clamped in her small mouth. Walking over to the couch, Nancy  
crouched down and buttoned her into a winter jumpsuit. Finally,  
she placed a knitted cap over the baby's head. With gentle hands,  
she worked quickly and efficiently. Becky never stirred from  
her slumber.  
  
"You're good with her," John commented.  
  
"Well, she's a good kid. Hardly any trouble at all. Not like  
my two little brats. It's real quiet tonight 'cause they're  
with my ex."  
  
As he took the sleeping form into his arms, he asked, "Why don't  
you come with me? I'm sure Maria would like to see you."  
  
Nancy shook her head, her nose wrinkling at the thought. "I hate  
hospitals. I'll wait 'til she comes back." She hesitated.  
"She is gonna get better, right? I mean, I know people go  
to the hospital to die but you fix them up too, right?"  
  
John stood rooted to the spot, unsure of what to say. Although  
he hadn't examined Maria himself, from what Susan had told him,  
the prognosis didn't look good. "We'll make her as comfortable  
as possible," he said finally.  
  
The answer seemed to satisfy her and he knew the underlying  
implication of his words had gone over her head. As he stepped  
outside, she curled her fingers in a little wave. "Bye, baby,"  
she crooned.  
  
The door slammed with a bang behind him and he hurried down  
the path, shielding the small form as best he could against  
the cold wind. "Let's go see your mom," he whispered.  
  
***************  
  
"What are you still doing here, Dr. Lewis?"  
  
Susan didn't even look up, continuing to sign her charts. That  
was the second person to ask her that question. "Just finishing  
up," she said.  
  
"Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Lewis."  
  
Susan's head shot up and she got to her feet. Across the admit  
desk was a tall man with cheeks still reddened from the cold.  
"I'm Dr. Lewis."  
  
"I'm Danny Gabbana." He gestured to the smaller woman who stood  
calmly at his side. "This is my wife, Joanne. Now, what's this  
all about? Is someone hurt?"  
  
Susan moved out into the hallway. "If you could come this way,  
please." She ushered the couple towards Maria's room and stopped  
a few feet away. "Mr. Gabbana, someone you know was brought into  
the ER today and her condition is very critical. She has no  
immediate family to contact but she was very insistent that I  
try to reach you. However, she was afraid that you wouldn't come  
if I told you over the phone who it was."  
  
While the predominant expression on his face was still one of  
concern, Susan could see the confusion creeping in. "Who is it?"  
he asked.  
  
"Maria Hull."  
  
His face registered nothing for an endless moment and she began  
to wonder if he didn't know Maria after all. Then, it was as  
if an explosion went off.  
  
"Maria!" he thundered. "I don't believe this!" Looking around  
with a fierce glare, he marched towards her door. "Is this her  
room?" He made no attempt to go in, but gazed through the window.  
"That's her, all right," he sneered.  
  
Taken aback by his outburst, Susan needed a moment to recover  
from the surprise. "Sir, this is a hospital. Please keep your  
voice down."  
  
Turning away from the glass, his focus was now on her. "What lies  
has she been telling you?" He advanced on Susan until he was  
practically looming over her. "What even made you think I would  
want to see her?"  
  
His attitude forced her to react defensively. "Look, I'm sorry,  
but I don't know anything beyond the fact that she wanted to see  
you. All she gave me was your name and phone number." Realizing  
that her own voice was raised a little too loudly, she lowered it.  
"Maria is dying. I don't think she'll make it through the night."  
  
Danny stared down at her. "This isn't some sort of trick? She's  
really dying?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What's wrong with her?"  
  
"Cancer."  
  
His gaze slid away from hers and he looked uncomfortable. With a  
jerky motion, he unwound the scarf from his neck, as if he was  
suddenly too warm.  
  
"Danny..."  
  
Susan had almost forgotten about his wife, who had remained silent  
until now. "Maybe you should see her," Joanne suggested quietly.  
  
Seeming to struggle with the idea, he finally came to a decision.  
"No. No way. I'm not letting her manipulate me again." He placed  
an arm around his wife's shoulder. "Come on, we're going."  
  
Susan followed them towards the admitting area. While there was  
obviously a history between Danny and Maria that had caused such  
resentment in him, she still felt as though she'd let her patient  
down. She had to try one more time. "Mr. Gabbana, are you sure  
you won't reconsider?" she called after his back.  
  
Whirling around, he almost poked her in the eye with his index  
finger. "You've done enough, Dr. Lewis. Dragging us down here  
the way you did..."  
  
"Is there something wrong?" cut in a sharp female voice.  
  
Susan barely resisted the urge to groan out loud. Just what she  
needed -- Kerry Weaver.  
  
"Who are you?" Danny demanded.  
  
"Kerry Weaver, Chief of Emergency Medicine. Is there something  
I can help you with?"  
  
"Does that make you her boss?"  
  
"Yes it does."  
  
"Well, you tell her that she shouldn't lie to people over the  
phone to get her way--"  
  
"I didn't lie to you," Susan interrupted, feeling her own temper  
rising. "I asked you to come down here so I could explain the  
situation to you."  
  
"Whatever," Danny huffed.  
  
"Would you like to file a formal complaint?" Kerry asked in a  
polite tone.  
  
Susan managed to keep her composure but if looks could kill,  
Kerry would be engulfed in flames.  
  
"Let's just go." Joanne tugged at her husband's sleeve,  
looking slightly embarrassed.  
  
"Forget it," Danny muttered, allowing his wife to lead him away.  
  
"What was that about?" Kerry questioned.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"I would hardly call that nothing, Susan."  
  
"It's nothing to be concerned about."  
  
"It didn't sound that way to me."  
  
While Kerry seemed so calm, Susan felt like bellowing out her  
frustration. She was distracted by the sight of John coming  
towards them with the baby in his arms.  
  
"It took you long enough," she said shortly. "I was starting  
to worry."  
  
"Sorry." He gave an involuntary shiver. "It's sure cold out  
there. I hope she was warm enough."  
  
Kerry's confused gaze swung between John and the baby, and then  
back to Susan. "Whose baby is that? Okay, I want to know  
what's been going on, right now."  
  
With a sigh, Susan launched into a lengthy explanation, starting  
with Maria being admitted into the ER. She ended with the scene  
that had played out between herself and Danny Gabbana.  
  
"You shouldn't have called him down here like that," Kerry  
reprimanded. "It wasn't your place."  
  
"She was just looking out for her patient," John said.  
  
"I don't need you to defend me, Carter," Susan snapped, her  
nerves past the point of mere irritation. "Give her to me."  
She gently took the baby from his arms, careful not to jostle  
her. Becky was still sleeping soundly. Turning her back on  
both of them, she began walking away.  
  
"Susan, we're not done yet," Kerry called after her.  
  
She didn't bother replying and continued down the hall. All that  
mattered now, was getting this girl to her mother.  
  
CONTINUED IN PART 2 


	2. Part 2

PLEASE SEE PART 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Maria was teary-eyed and overjoyed to see her daughter. Becky had  
awakened in the last few minutes, gurgling and seeming very content  
in her mother's arms.  
  
"Isn't she beautiful?" Maria said, looking down at the baby with  
motherly pride.  
  
Susan smiled. "She sure is." The baby indeed looked striking  
with her milky white skin, bright bluish-green eyes and a mass  
of dark hair that was almost black, partially hidden beneath  
the knitted cap.  
  
"She's the one thing I did right in my life," Maria murmured.  
Clearing her throat, she looked back up. "I...I thought I heard  
Danny's voice before. Was I just dreaming?"  
  
Susan swallowed hard and decided to be honest. "No, you weren't  
dreaming. He was here but he didn't stay long. He refused to see  
you and was quite upset with me."  
  
Closing her eyes, Maria tilted her head back into the pillow.  
"I was afraid of that. He still hates me. And I don't blame  
him." Her eyes fluttered open and gazed into space. "I was kind  
of messed up when I was seeing him. Told a lot of lies. Fooled  
around with other guys. But I know Becky is his."  
  
Susan blinked at this latest news. "Danny is the father? Are you  
sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure. The timing is right. And more than that, I know  
it in my heart." She turned pleading eyes upwards. "Could you try  
again? Call him and let him know about Becky?"  
  
"Oh, Maria, I don't know..."  
  
Kerry would have a fit, but she didn't care about that. Judging  
from Danny's earlier reaction, she simply doubted that he would  
come.  
  
"Please, Dr. Lewis. I want Becky to have a chance with him."  
  
"He's married. Did you know that?"  
  
Maria nodded, her expression wistful. "I know. That's why I  
didn't tell him when I found out I was pregnant. Didn't want to  
screw up his life like I did before. But now things are  
different. Who's gonna look after Becky when I'm gone? It has  
to be him."  
  
At the sound of a knock, both women looked towards the door as  
it creaked open.  
  
"Danny!" Maria exclaimed, her mouth remaining parted in shock.  
  
Susan doubted if she'd ever seen a man look more uncomfortable  
or awkward. Shuffling towards the bed, his gaze flickered  
uneasily between the mother and child. "Hi, Maria. How are  
you, uh, feeling?"  
  
"I've had better days," she replied softly.  
  
"Yeah, sorry. Stupid question." He nodded towards the baby.  
"This is your daughter?"  
  
"Yes. Becky."  
  
"I didn't know you were a mother."  
  
"Lots...lots you don't...know." Talking was becoming a struggle  
again, as she gasped between words.  
  
Concerned, Susan moved closer to her patient and reached for  
the oxygen mask. Maria waved it away. "No, I want to...talk."  
She never took her eyes off Danny, as if afraid that he would  
disappear if she looked away. "Why...did you..."  
  
"Come back?" he finished. At her nod of assent, he continued on.  
"You have Jo to thank for that. That's my wife, Joanne. She told  
me that it doesn't matter what happened in the past. We have to  
live in the here and now. And right now, you're...very sick.  
So, I guess the question is, why did you want to see me?"  
  
Susan found herself holding her breath. This was it. The perfect  
opportunity. But to her dismay, Maria was visibly straining to  
take every breath. Her fragile state was deteriorating. "Resps  
are getting too low," she muttered to herself.  
  
"What does that mean?" Danny asked, his tone wary.  
  
Susan didn't answer. She noticed that Maria's arm was no longer  
supporting the baby, but lay limply at her side. Afraid that  
Becky would fall, she scooped up the girl.  
  
"Here, can you take her?" Without waiting for a reply, she  
thrust the baby into his arms. Becky had grown quiet and seemed  
sleepy, so she made no fuss when transferred to a strange man.  
  
Maria's lips were forming words of soundless air. Although she  
bent her head down as close as possible, Susan still had to strain  
her ears.  
  
"Tell him," Maria whispered faintly.  
  
Susan nodded, feeling an unexpected lump clog her throat.  
"I will."  
  
Maria's lips curved into the subtlest hint of a smile. "This is  
nice. Nothing hurts anymore." Slowly, her eyes closed, shutting  
out the world.  
  
The ever-familiar and frantic beeping of the monitors began,  
making Danny jump. "What's wrong?" he asked anxiously.  
  
Susan gently but firmly nudged him towards the door. "I'm sorry,  
but you have to leave. Could you take care of Becky for me?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, sure."  
  
She opened the door for him and he joined his wife, who had been  
waiting in the hallway. Joanne looked understandably surprised  
to see her husband emerge from the room with a baby, but she  
immediately smiled, cooing and reaching out to the girl.  
  
John and Lily came racing down the hall. As Susan continued to  
hold the door open, Lily swept past her into the room. John  
slowed down and locked eyes with her before entering. He frowned  
slightly as they walked in together. "Is she a DNR?"  
  
"Yeah. How did you know?"  
  
"You seem too calm."  
  
Although she was rather impressed by his observational skills,  
she didn't comment. Lily took a moment to glance over the  
monitors, her expression sad. "You sure you don't need me?" she asked.  
  
"It's okay, Lily," Susan replied. "Thanks anyway."  
  
Once they were alone, John put his arm around her, giving her  
shoulder a squeeze. "You okay?"  
  
"I'm fine." She allowed herself a small sigh. "She was too young."  
  
"I can help you with the final checks," he offered.  
  
"No, it's okay. I want to do it."  
  
She felt obligated to do it. After shutting off the monitors,  
the room fell silent. Carefully noting the absence of any signs  
of life, she finally called the time of death.  
  
"Not too much longer 'til midnight," John observed.  
  
In fact, there was just under an hour left until the new year.  
It had been a long, tiring night. A sudden thought occurred to her.  
"You don't have to keep waiting for me, Carter. We can do  
something another night."  
  
"Yeah, we could, but it wouldn't be the same. Would you stop  
trying to push me away, please? I'm here because I want to be  
with you tonight. And you're still here because you didn't want  
to abandon your patient. I understand that."  
  
Despite her stubborn, independent nature, his reassurances made her  
glow with warmth. It was a good feeling and one she wanted to  
hang onto. "Sorry for nearly taking your head off earlier.  
With Kerry, I mean," she apologized.  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"She just...well, you know she rubs me the wrong way. She always  
has."  
  
He smiled. "I know. She definitely has her moments. What are  
you going to do now?"  
  
"Call child services. Then I'll talk to them." She nodded towards  
the couple just outside the door, noticing that Joanne was now  
holding the baby. The woman was all smiles.  
  
"So who's the guy?" John inquired.  
  
"I'll tell you later."  
  
Danny questioned her in a hushed tone as soon as she came out of  
the room. "Is she dead?"  
  
"I'll catch up with you later," John murmured.  
  
Susan focused her energies once more. "Yes. Respiratory and  
cardiac arrest."  
  
"But..." He spoke haltingly, as if choosing his words carefully.  
"I was watching through the window and...you didn't try to get her  
back."  
  
"She had a DNR order--do not resuscitate."  
  
"Oh. I see."  
  
"What happens now to the baby?" Joanne asked.  
  
"I'm going to call child services. Then I need to talk to you  
again." She showed them to an empty exam room. "Could you wait  
in here for me? I won't be long."  
  
"We want to talk to you too," Danny added, his voice sounding  
strangely anxious.  
  
As Susan headed towards the phone at the admit desk, she wondered  
what that meant.  
  
***************  
  
She stood motionless by the exam room window, watching the scene  
inside. The distinct thunk of a cane to her left told her that  
Kerry had decided to make a stop.  
  
"I've heard what's going on," Kerry stated. "Do you really think  
he's the father?"  
  
Susan kept her gaze straight ahead, watching Joanne bounce the  
baby in her lap. Becky was chortling with delight. "Maria  
believed it. And Danny admitted it's possible. But the best  
evidence we have so far is the baby's hair. Can you see the spot  
just above her left ear? There's a tiny patch of white hair."  
  
Kerry narrowed her eyes, her gaze intent through the glass.  
"Yes, I think I can. Why?"  
  
"Almost all the women in Danny's family have that streak of white  
above the ear. His mother, his grandmother..." she trailed off,  
thinking of what had transpired.  
  
After the phone call, Susan had returned to the exam room. Before  
she could even break the news to Danny about his possible fatherhood,  
he had started questioning her about the fate of the baby. He had  
explained that Joanne had been trying to get pregnant for a year  
without success. Now, they were hoping to adopt Becky.  
  
This unexpected outcome had certainly made Susan's task much easier.  
She'd told them Maria's side of the story, including the fact that  
she'd wanted Danny to take care of Becky. While he had initially  
expressed disbelief that he could be the father, he'd finally  
conceded the possibility. Then Joanne had taken off Becky's cap  
and found the little patch of white. The look on Danny's face  
had been priceless. He now truly believed that he was the biological  
father.  
  
He was talking to the child services worker now, but his gaze  
shifted to Susan through the glass. Getting to his feet, he came  
into the hall and grabbed her hand, pumping it up and down.  
"I never even thanked you, Dr. Lewis. If you hadn't called me  
down here, I never would have known about my daughter. Thank you  
so much."  
  
"You're welcome." She managed to smile, even though she was  
afraid her hand was going to separate from her wrist in his  
over-exuberant handshake.  
  
"I hope I didn't get you into trouble." He gave Kerry a meaningful  
look.  
  
Kerry's smile was obviously strained. "Not at all."  
  
"Good. Thanks again."  
  
After he went back inside, Susan turned to leave.  
  
"Hold on," Kerry said.  
  
Thinking it best to heed the order this time, Susan obliged.  
"I want you to know, Susan, that even though things seemed to  
have worked out for the best this time, you were just lucky.  
You never should have called Mr. Gabbana the way you did.  
It was misrepresentation of this hospital."  
  
"What--"  
  
"Let me finish." Kerry waited, as if to be sure she wouldn't be  
interrupted again. "It was wrong and you crossed the line.  
Having said that, I know you thought you were looking out for  
your patient's best interests. The fact that you're still here,"  
She broke off to check her watch. "almost three hours after your  
shift, tells me how dedicated you are. You just need to think  
more before you act."  
  
Susan kept her hands in the safety of her lab coat pockets,  
silently chanting, 'don't strangle her, don't strangle her'.  
"Are you finished?" she asked tightly.  
  
"Yeah, I am."  
  
Spinning on her heel, she began striding away.  
  
"Susan--"  
  
"What!" Turning once more in disbelief, she glared at Kerry.  
  
"Look, I know we've never seen eye to eye on things but I just  
realized it's almost midnight. The start of a new year. Maybe  
we'll never be friends, but I don't want to always be butting  
heads with you either. What do you think about starting the  
year with a clean slate?"  
  
For the first time in a long time, Kerry surprised her. She  
couldn't imagine the old Kerry from five years ago saying this.  
"Yeah, sure," she agreed cautiously. "A clean slate."  
  
But Susan couldn't help wondering how long it would take before  
that slate was marred with endless chalk dust again.  
  
***************  
  
John entered the darkened lounge and immediately saw Susan curled  
up on the end of sofa.  
  
"There you are. Everyone's out by the admit desk," he informed her.  
He almost turned on the lights, but realized she must want it dark  
for a reason. Even with the door closed, he could hear people  
shouting 'happy new year' and blowing horns. He had been at the  
admit desk with most of the staff, watching the countdown on TV.  
After a few hugs, he'd gone searching for Susan, disappointed that  
they'd missed sharing the moment together.  
  
He sat down by her feet, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dim  
light provided by the window above. She averted her face slightly,  
swiping at one eye.  
  
"It's been a long time since a patient made me cry," she admitted,  
her voice more hoarse than usual.  
  
"It just happened to me this morning," John said. "Five year  
old kid kicked me in the shin. Hurt like a bugger."  
  
His dry statement made her laugh, which was the effect he'd been  
hoping for. "Is it because of the baby?" he asked. While it was  
important to maintain the professional distance, sometimes one  
couldn't help but be affected by a patient's plight. It was  
something he understood only too well.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe. I did think about Susie a little bit.  
When Chloe disappeared and I had Susie to myself, that was the  
happiest I've ever been. You know, I've never told this to  
anyone, but I even started to imagine some reasons for why Chloe  
would never come back. I really thought that maybe she'd died  
somewhere of an overdose. I still feel guilty about that sometimes."  
  
John rubbed her knee in a comforting way. "You shouldn't.  
You didn't actually wish her dead. You just thought something  
might have happened to her. And she was pretty wild back then.  
That wouldn't have been far-fetched at all."  
  
"You should see Chloe now, though. She's such a great mother.  
I'm really proud of her." She smiled sheepishly. "Well, here I  
am going on about me. I'm so sorry about tonight. This must be  
the worst new year's eve you've had."  
  
"Believe me, I've had worse," he assured her. "This hasn't been  
so bad, really." He leaned towards her, noticing that her eyes  
looked more luminous than usual; a combination of recent tears  
and the reflecting light from the window. "Happy new year, Susan."  
  
"Happy new year, John."  
  
As their lips met, he closed his eyes, concentrating on the taste  
and feel of her mouth against his. So sweet. So soft. He felt  
her lips parting, inviting him in, and his pulse went up a notch.  
  
"Why is it so dark in here?"  
  
John instinctively jumped back. By the time the lights came on,  
he was sitting up straight on the sofa, blinking rapidly against  
the brightness.  
  
Kerry cleared her throat. "Am I interrupting something?"  
  
"No, we're just--"  
  
"Just talking," Susan finished for him.  
  
Why were they acting like a couple of embarrassed school kids?  
"Actually, we were just kissing," he stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh?" One of Kerry's eyebrows arched upwards but other than that,  
she showed no real surprise.  
  
"Yeah, we've been seeing each other."  
  
"Well, I'm just going to grab a cup of coffee and get out of  
your way then."  
  
True to her word, she left them alone within thirty seconds.  
Susan shifted on the seat, sitting up straighter. "What made  
you say that?" she asked.  
  
He shrugged. "Why not? They might as well know." As she  
snuggled more closely to his side, tucking her head against his  
shoulder, he wrapped an arm around her.  
  
"She thinks I was wrong, you know," she said, her voice low.  
  
Her statement confused him. "Who?"  
  
"Kerry. She says I'm just lucky with how things turned out.  
Apparently, I misrepresented the hospital."  
  
John had already thought about what he would have done in  
Susan's position. While it was always difficult to speculate--  
after all, you wouldn't truly know until you were actually in  
the situation--he felt he would have done the same thing.  
"Since when do you care what Kerry thinks?" he asked.  
  
That made her chuckle. "I don't. And if I had the chance,  
I would do it all again." Her jaws expanded into a wide yawn.  
"I don't think I'm up for anything tonight," she murmured.  
  
"Did you take the El in today?"  
  
"Mmm hmm."  
  
"I'll drive you home."  
  
***************  
  
As they walked down the hall, loud music and laughter could be  
heard from surrounding apartments. It was just forty minutes  
past midnight, so parties were still going in full swing.  
  
She lived at the far end of the hall. At the door, she turned  
to face John. "Thanks for walking me up."  
  
"Sure." As he stood there, he felt the eerie sense of deja vu.  
He knew this wasn't the same building that Susan had lived in  
years ago, but they had been in a similar situation then. He  
still remembered with such clarity, the disappointment he'd  
felt when she had turned away his kiss. He'd understood the  
reason, but the rejection had still hurt.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing. Just remembering something."  
  
"The night you tried to kiss me outside my apartment?"  
  
Her perceptiveness surprised him. "Yeah, how did you guess?"  
  
"I was thinking the same thing. You were so cute that night.  
Believe me, it took all my will power to resist you."  
  
He chuckled softly. "Well, that at least helps my ego."  
Thinking this was his last chance, he reached into his pocket.  
The small box had been burning a hole, first in his lab coat,  
as he'd waited for the perfect opportunity to give it to her at  
the hospital. When that hadn't happened, he'd slipped it into  
his coat as they were leaving the lounge. He withdrew it now  
and held it out. "This is for you."  
  
She glanced down at it, seeming confused. "I thought Christmas  
was over."  
  
"I know. But all I gave you was a boring sweater."  
  
"Hey, I happen to like that sweater," she declared, with mock  
indignation. "What is it?"  
  
"Would you just open it? Please?"  
  
He watched her carefully as she took the box and opened the lid.  
Her reaction was quite subdued and he wasn't sure if she liked  
it or not. He'd never seen Susan wear much jewellery but when  
she did, she seemed to prefer simple and elegant designs. This  
silver ring had a wide band, but it wasn't solid. It had a  
filigree design all the way around and seemed to flow with  
intricate curves. "I wanted to buy you something else besides  
the sweater but I couldn't find anything. Then, a few days ago,  
Gamma sent me to an antique store to pick something up for her  
and I saw this ring. It reminded me of you. Delicate but strong.  
And beautiful."  
  
She slid it onto her middle finger and looked up. When she  
spoke, her tone was soft. "I don't know what to say."  
  
"Don't you like it?"  
  
"Oh, I do," she insisted. "I'm just not too good with words when  
I'm overwhelmed. It's...it's perfect. Too perfect. Thank you,  
Carter." Throwing her arms around him, she gave him a hug.  
  
He held her tightly, loving the feel of her in his arms.  
Time seemed to stop in the embrace until she tilted her head  
back and placed both hands on either side of his face, drawing  
his head down to her level. She pressed her mouth against his  
and this time, there was no Kerry Weaver to interrupt them.  
Teasing her lips with his tongue, he wordlessly asked her to  
let him in and she obliged, opening her mouth to him. The heat  
igniting between them was incredible and he could feel his  
growing desire rising in a slow burn.  
  
When they simultaneously parted for air, they stared at each  
other in wonder. By far, that had been the best damn kiss they  
had shared. In fact, they both seemed speechless. "Maybe, uh,  
I better go," he stammered.  
  
"Go? Are you crazy? You're not going anywhere," Susan growled  
playfully.  
  
He could hardly believe his ears. "Are you sure?"  
  
She grabbed his scarf and gave it a tug. "I will personally make  
you very sorry if you run away on me now. Come with me, Dr. Carter."  
After unlocking the door, she led him inside. He didn't even  
try to hide the grin on his face as he shut the door behind him  
with one foot.  
  
THE END 


End file.
